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  • Writer's pictureKevin Talarico

Why Do I Need Polyamorous Representation?

This is why I joined PolyamProud.

black text on pink background says "why i volunteer for polyamproud... and why i got this tattoo!" an arrow points to a polaroid picture of a black infinity heart tattoo on the underside of a person's wrist

This is the story of how I got my tattoo. As the song says: at first I was afraid, I was petrified.

Years ago, polyamory was something new to me. To be honest, I thought that the fewer people who knew, the better. That’s because most people around me would fiercely shout, on social media and while hanging out with friends, that someone like me didn't really love anyone.

Even though those weren’t my feelings, for quite some time, I almost believed it. Only after I was married did this reality start to shift. Because, by then, I couldn't simply let go of the person I was with in order to chase my new passion—that would mean divorce, which is not that simple.

So I saw this post, written by Ellyn Reid (@thebuddhadoula or @passionatedemons) and recently posted by @polyphiliablog here, which is basically a bunch of reflections with the title "Why do I want polyamorous representation?"

It was a shock.

I didn't know I needed it so much. Some statements got stuck with me long enough that, for the first time, I spoke publicly about it, reposting it on my Facebook profile. I know this sounds small, but it felt like a huge step for me.

Time passed, and I started to bring polyamory into my conversations more regularly. I've learned how not to be offended by those who knew so little about my way of loving. I've learned how much people would refuse to allow themselves to be with me simply due to the possibility I'd feel something for someone else. I've learned how to deal with the weird looks. I've learned new ways of seeing the world.

One of the first things I saw was that all of these reactions were common for a reason: every movie, every song, every piece of art, every conversation, every bit of relationship advice, every meme, everything, everywhere, talked about monogamy. Monogamy was so taken for granted in peoples' minds that it was impossible for them to create without the assumption of monogamy underscoring their creation.

That was when I really wanted to feel represented as well.

Later, I started dating someone new and I was so in love with her, I thought it would be reasonable to take a few steps back from non-monogamy at her request, after only seeing her for a short time. Of course, I made the way I felt and my philosophy towards love and relationships clear, but I refused to accept that we couldn't be together just because of that. So, I tried.

Long story short? We broke up after almost two years. I was devastated. Not because we were no longer together, but because of everything she said to me. Once again, for a few moments there, I started to believe it—that I was a monster, unfaithful, promiscuous, a slut, and that I would always hurt people around me.

So I opened up about my feelings with the community and the others I love. The polyamory communities around the world are one of humankind's greatest treasures. I've realized I didn't want polyamory representation, I needed it.

I have felt so grateful for being embraced in such a way that I felt like I needed to express that to everyone. To shout out to the world. To wear my truth on my sleeve. That’s why I got my tattoo.

Now I just need a proper flag to raise. That's why I joined the PolyamProud initiative.

I know you may be asking "But hey, you got the Infinity Heart tattooed on you, why are you supporting a cause that may not even use it?"

The infinity heart symbol is important to me, and that's why I got it on my body. It is really related to how I feel about polyamory and love, but that doesn't necessarily mean it represents the whole community.

And this community, like I've said, is really important to me. I'll do my best to create the attention, awareness and representation we deserve. I'll even get another tattoo, mark my words.

So if you feel a little bit like myself and understand why we need representation, here's my personal invitation to join us in this journey and vote for the new flag. I believe you will love to be a part of it.


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